Beyond Logic

Photo Credit:  Breslev Israel

This post is in memory of my Cherished Mother, Shayndle Toba bas Yoseph Aron v’Leah on her 22nd Yartzeit ~ 4th of Tammuz 5772 – 2012.  May she have a לעילוי נשמה, (elevation of the soul). 

On Shabbat eve, G-d imparts an additional soul to the person and at Shabbat's end, He takes it away-- Talmud, Beitza 16a

I know that I am not the first person in the world to lose a mother. It is one of the most sorrowful yet inevitable realities of life, but not everyone goes through a whole personal metamorphosis in the process.

The 4^thof Tammuz (this year June 24^th) is my mother's 22nd Yartzeit, the anniversary of her death. It is hard to believe that 22 years have passed, yet it seems like much more than 22 years since I last spoke with my mother. It actually has been more than 23 and a half years since we had any sort of normal conversation. Neither ripe old age nor some disabling disease caused her death. It was the tragic result of a horrible road accident.

Driving with my mother on an intercity freeway, my father fell asleep at the wheel and as a result the car flipped over several times before landing in a rocky ditch at the side of the road. The fact that both of my parents weren't killed instantly was in itself a miracle. The car was a total write-off. A valuable lesson to be learned from this would appear to be; never drive while very tired. But that isn't why I chose to write this in my mother's memory. There is a much more urgent message I feel compelled to pass along: In times of greatest despair, have faith (emuna) in G-d and believe in miracles. And most importantly, never underestimate the power of prayer! These may not be new or unique concepts for those of you who are frum (religious) from birth. They are fundamental principles which should be ingrained into the core of one's intellect from day one. But for those of us who are chozer b'tshuva (penitent), who made the conscious decision to redirect our lives, we often require a boost to reinforce this major leap of faith.

The whole incident occurred as my husband and I were just beginning our journey down the road of religious observance. It had been less than a year since we began to keep Shabbat and Kashrut. My first test in this ordeal fell on me like a load of bricks just a half hour before the onset of Shabbat. As if it wasn't shock enough to receive a phone call with the unthinkable news of the crash, I was faced with the most difficult decision of my life. Yet, there was really no choice to make. Despite the doctors' pleas for us to hurry to the hospital and be at my mother's side for what they claimed would be her last hours in this world, we could not desecrate the laws of Shabbat by driving. There was no case of pikuach nefesh here. There was nothing I could physically do to help save her life. The doctors were doing all they could for her severe head trauma and other multiple injuries. So I chose the only thing that was available to me and the one thing in which I had placed all my hope....I prayed to HaShem to save my mother. (My father sustained multiple fractures and external injuries, but nothing life-threatening, thank G-d)

The fact that my mother survived over Shabbat was the first sampling of the numerous miracles that encompassed me over the course of the next year and a half. The initial diagnosis of her impending death was followed by an unequivocal prognosis that if she did survive at all, she would be a 'vegetable'. Ultimately, she proved the doctors totally wrong and far surpassed the expectations of all involved. These medical practitioners were forced to admit that they had been mistaken, calling her progress nothing other than miraculous. With limited space in this article, I will refrain from all the grueling and cumbersome details of all that transpired until her final departure from this world, when she finally succumbed to a heart attack. Suffice to say, all that occurred was beyond the realm of earthly reason and logic. Our fervent prayers were answered with chillingly unexpected results beyond any of my wildest expectations. It was a humbling experience which brought into my being a conviction so unwavering that there was no longer any doubt in my mind of the existence of G-d. In addition to that profound understanding was the underlying essence of something much more cliché; learn to value all of HaShem’s blessings and never take them for granted since one never knows when they will be gone. As the old saying goes, appreciate each day as if it were your last.

On this day, I look back with love and gratitude for the gifts that I was blessed to have received. When my mother passed away I was entering my eighth month of pregnancy. The unborn child I was carrying gave me unparalleled strength. Instead of being left with a huge void in my life, I looked forward to bearing a new life. The sharp pains of mourning were replaced with the sharp pains of labor. He came into the world quickly on Shabbat, twelve days before Rosh Hashana.

My family when I was a baby

Within two years of my mother's death our decision to make aliya to Israel became a reality.  Six months following our arrival we were blessed with a baby girl, our fifth child, whom we lovingly named after my mother a’h. One desire my mother had was to visit Eretz Yisrael, the Land of Israel. That longing never materialized but I feel that now she is somehow fulfilling her dream through us. All the knowledge of emuna and trust in G-d that I acquired through her suffering, I brought with me to secure our new life in the Holy Land. 

Only with the comprehension that there is a Greater Power than man, the Holy One, Blessed be He, Creator of the Universe, can one make any sense of what is going on in the world today. It is not for us to question why things happen as they do, but to grab onto them and discover ways to improve ourselves. It is incumbent upon each and every one of us to do more to elevate our actions, to become better people and grow closer to G-d. We will thereby not only bring peace into our own lives, but to the world itself via 'spiritual osmosis'.

The Torah reading for the week of the 4th of Tammuz 22 years ago was Chukat. This Parasha tells the story of the time when the Jewish people were crossing the desert on their way to Israel and found themselves in desperate in need of water. G-d spoke to Moses and told him 'speak ye unto the rock before their eyes, that it will give forth its water' (Bamidbar 20:8) With the entire congregation assembled before Moses and his brother, Aaron, it was the prime opportunity to sanctify G-d's Name and give witness to this undeniable miracle. But, instead of trying to produce water from the rock by speaking to it as he had been commanded, Moses struck it twice with his rod. One interpretation of this episode explains that his show of anger appeared to the people as if he did not have faith in G-d. For this he was punished and not allowed to enter the Land of Israel. How relevant this lesson is today. We must trust in HaShem and abide by His Laws, in order to deserve the right to keep our Land and the privilege to dwell there.

I share this with you in memory of my beloved mother. As time fades the vision in my mind's eye of this once-vibrant and beautiful woman, her strength and courage is indelibly etched in my memory. As I groped through the fog of anguish to find meaning in adversity, her pain and suffering was the catalyst through which I confirmed the true meaning of life. This testimonial is but a taste of the full depth of that revelation. It is my hope that I have succeeded in imparting at least some of that enlightenment as an inspiration to others. 

This article was first published on Breslev Israel on my mother's 21st Yarzeit: 

A Mouse in the House

There must be some spiritual reason I have yet to understand to explain why the strangest things happen to our family on Shabbat (the Sabbath). One instance I’m referring to is unwelcome intruders from nature. There is no doubt that the fact we live in a ground floor apartment with direct access to grass, trees and bushes facilitates their entry, but why do they always seek our attention on the holiest day of the week? Specifically when we are not allowed to capture or kill bugs or any living creature, they honor us with their presence. I can only attribute it to being a test from HaShem (G-d).  

The knowledge that everything is for a reason became apparent Friday night two weeks ago when our daughter came home long after I had fallen asleep. Like most mothers who have some kind of built-in antennae when it comes to their children, I awoke when she arrived. Had I not gotten up to check on things soon thereafter, no one would have seen the humongous tarantula racing across the bathroom floor. I reflexively let out a shriek which launched my husband and daughter quickly from their beds. Thank G-d, the striped, furry creature crawled onto our washing machine which was less than a meter from the side door. A few strategic sweeps and several tense moments later, the arachnid was back in his own habitat. Instead of complaining that my sleep had been interrupted, I was able to sincerely thank HaShem for the disturbance.

The following week I was looking forward to a rejuvenating, early Shabbat sleep once again, but it was delayed as one of our sons spotted an unusual visitor in the living room. “Mom, there’s a mouse!” was all I needed to hear to get me to spring into action. The tiny grey mammal ran here and there until he scurried down the hall to the boys’ room. Instead of screaming and jumping onto a chair to evade the critter, I tried to get a closer look at him. He was actually quite cute. If rodents didn’t spread disease and leave droppings everywhere, I would have even invited him to stay awhile, but sadly it was the mouse which seemed distressed. He explored every possible exit route and found a dead end at each corner, all the while trying to avoid the ‘giants’ in the room. We wanted him out and he wanted out, but how? Finally, our son brought in a box to use but we were unsuccessful in luring him inside. It wasn’t until he escaped into a small bathroom that we were able to shut the door with the mouse and our son inside. Before long, our son came out proudly holding the box rattling with its live contents. He quickly rushed outside to release the frightened little mouse back into the wild.                   

Since each occurrence in our lives, no matter how seemingly insignificant or minute, has a purpose, I tried to think of what HaShem was trying to teach me with yet another Friday night Shabbat incident. I read that Rav Chaim Kanievsky, may he be blessed, instructed with regards to getting rid of mice, one must be stringent in giving maaser money (tithe – 10% of one’s earnings) to the poor. This was a valuable lesson, but we already got rid of the mouse so it didn’t really apply here. Also, the quandary involved not only a mouse, but all pint-sized creations which enter our home in error. While trying to decipher Divinely sent messages, I try to draw on my intuition but I realize we can never discount anything. Occasionally my perception is crystal clear and at other times, it’s as clear as mud.

In this case, several thoughts came to mind, but one which flashed in my head like a neon sign had significance for others as well. Both the tarantula and the mouse could slip through any teeny opening but the message they brought was larger than life. When they first crossed the threshold between their world and ours, they were filled with fear. Both were out of their element despite the fact that they could have certainly built their homes within ours. Had we left them alone, they may have easily created a comfortable living area, setting up an unobtrusive corner somewhere and live it up so to speak. Over time, there would have been families of both species creating generations of mice and tarantulas under our roof. Soon they would lose sight of where they came from and how they got there. Both should have been burrowing down in their natural dwelling places out in the field but somehow lost their way. For reasons known to G-d alone, they were sent into ‘exile’, to foreign territory just like all of our people who are scattered to the ‘four corners’ of the earth. Baruch HaShem, (thank G-d) humans are on a higher level than the rodents and spiders. Man does not act on instinct alone but through freedom of choice. Man can choose to make his home anywhere he desires, so doesn’t it make sense to live amongst his own people, in the land G-d gave to us?

Yes, it is a difficult decision to leave the comfortable corner we have set up for ourselves in someone else’s house, but it CAN be done. To quote from Sichot HaRan #11 (Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom) “The Rebbe said he had great joy of being worthy to have been in the Land of Israel. He endured many obstacles, doubts, delays and disturbances in order to make his journey to the Land of Israel. Money was also an obstacle. But he overcame everything and finished the job completely—he made it to the Land of Israel!

He said, “I believe—and I know a lot about this subject—.every motion, every thought, everything that one does attempting to do something holy is not wasted. When one breaks through all the obstacles and achieves his holy goal, his every move and all the uncertainties and confusion that he faced when he was still in the throes of doubt and bewilderment—‘Can I do this or not?’—with hurdles facing him at every turn; when one finally overcomes them, those very obstacles, doubts, etc., every last one of them, are all made into exalted and sacred things, marked for good.”  (from Ask A Breslover, by Ozer Bergman)

The first week after we made aliya to Israel, our daughter got terribly sick with what turned out to be a common case of strep throat. A friend told me that everything in the Land is bigger and much more intense; the illnesses, the bugs, the plants, the weather but also the Kedusha (holiness). I found that to be true as I have witnessed extremes in all areas of life since coming ‘Home’.  I have never seen such weird and gigantic insects nor as beautiful and unique birds as I have here. I can also report that nowhere in the world are the miracles as huge, frequent and obvious…. at least to anyone who chooses to see them. One phenomenon that is actually reduced in Israel is fear. With a strengthening of our emuna and a complete reliance on HaShem, Israel becomes the safest place in the world. As Rabbi Lazer Brody says “When you fear One, you fear no one”.  

So don’t be stuck like a mouse in the house. Just as mice and tarantulas don’t belong in our homes, the Jewish people don’t belong in any other land but Eretz Yisrael, the Land of Israel. There’s no time like the present to cross back over the threshold. Your family is waiting to welcome you home!  

(first published on Breslev.co.il)

A Glimpse of Moshiach

To say that all beginnings are difficult is an understatement. Our years of 'settling the land' have been fraught with what felt like every imaginable financial difficulty possible and then some. But it is a commandment to be happy and appreciate whatever HaShem gives us. So despite the hardships we have endured, I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to dwell in the land of our forefathers and make this our home. To be blessed with the privilege of raising our children and grandchildren in Eretz Yisrael, the Land of Israel, is something not to be taken lightly. It is said that the land tries to 'spit out' those who don't merit being here and while it would seem sad that I have experienced that feeling, I am thankful. For without having gone through those trials and tribulations, I would probably not have made an effort to change our lives for the better. I used to think being Shomer Mitzvot, Shomer Shabbat and Kosher was enough. True, it was a big step, but it is something that needs constant work. Just like a marriage which cannot thrive unless the two partners make a continuous effort to improve, being religiously observant is not a be all and end all. We must continuously work on ourselves, continuously do tshuva and continuously learn, grow and strive to come closer to our Father in Heaven.

Last Shabbat, Parshat Noach, we spent in the holy city of Yerushalayim (Jerusalem) with our daughter. We attended Kabbalat Shabbat and Maariv prayers at the Kotel Hamaaravi, the Western Wall. This was my first taste of such a magnificent experience. As I stood there, in the midst of the holiest site on the face of the earth, time stood still. The songs of praise ascending to the Heavens flowed through the air like clouds of splendor. The multitude of people pouring out their hearts and souls to the Creator of the Universe was awe-inspiring and humbling. Hundreds of people from every corner of the globe made their way to this sanctified place to acknowledge their faith in a Being greater than themselves. In this slice of time, the world was filled with goodness and evil was non-existent. And it was in those seconds of peace, that I understood the concept of Moshiach.

True, humanity needs to do a lot of work on itself to rectify all of its sins, to pull itself out of the gutter of materialism and depravity, but unlike the generation of Noah, so much righteousness already exists today. What I witnessed at the Kotel was a sampling of the piety and devotion that mankind must utilize and cultivate in order to help elevate others spiritually. It is incumbent upon every knowing person to raise awareness of emuna** and spread the Light. But like sand in an hourglass, time is quickly running out. Will we succeed in purifying ourselves sufficiently to bring about our redemption in a peaceful manner? That is something only G-d Himself knows. I pray the answer is yes.

If now you will accept upon yourselves, it will be sweet for you from here and further, because all beginnings are difficult. (Rashi)


** (Hebrew) the firm belief in a single, supreme, omniscient, benevolent, spiritual, supernatural, and all-powerful Creator of the universe, we we refer to as G-d. (from "The Garden of Emuna", By Rabbi Shalom Arush, Translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody)

Love Your Fellow as Yourself

The Sage Rabbi Hillel said, "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn"

This is not my usual style of blog, but it is something which I feel is very important, and at this juncture in time it is of the utmost urgency. I am the least likely person to write these words as I am as guilty as the next person, but I feel obligated to pass on my thoughts nonetheless. The views contained herein are not new, but I believe that these ideas can never be overstated.

Before any action or any spoken word…. Think!

So much damage can be done by acting impulsively. If someone says something you don't agree with, think twice before automatically responding with negative harsh words. If someone hurts your feelings, take a deep breath and gently ask for an explanation. Let them know it was hurtful. If someone starts out in a fierce tone, respond as calmly as possible in order to change the atmosphere. As it says in proverbs 15:1, a soft reply turns away anger.

I could go on and on about the dos and don'ts of verbal abuse. And I won't even get into the subject of physical abuse but to say that hurting another person, physically or emotionally, is a major Torah transgression. For more on the topic, read this article by Rabbi Shalom Arush, The Danger of Verbal Abuse.

By hurting those we love, we are also hurting ourselves. Not only is it forbidden to harm our family members, but to cause injury to any Jew is a grave sin. The store clerk, the bus driver, the telephone repairman.... all must be treated with respect. To quote Rabbi Akiva, one must 'love your fellow as yourself'. Imagine how you would feel if someone did to you what you intend to do to them? To take it one step further, each one of us holds a spark of HaShem within, and by wounding another human being, we are in essence causing pain to the Holy One, Blessed Be He! Who would dare do such a thing?

It is no secret that the world we live in has become dangerously out of control. There is no reason or logic to many of the events unfolding each day. Madmen have power over countries that own weapons of mass destruction which they have no qualms about using. They threaten the very existence of our Holy Land of Israel. We must unite as one people in order to bring about Divine intervention. Tisha B'Av will soon be upon us when we will mourn the destruction of the 1st and 2nd Temples. Our sages say that the Temple was destroyed because of sinat chinam, baseless hatred among Jews. Unfortunately, not a lot has changed since then. It is our duty to remedy the situation and bring light into this dark world of exile.

We must increase our love for one another, do kindness beyond the norm and end the abuse and loshon hora (evil speech). Loshon hora is said to be one of 'the causes of our exile and until we rectify the evil, we will not be deemed worthy of redemption'. (from Guard Your Tongue by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin - based on Chofetz Chaim).

For those readers who have not yet taken on the yoke of religious observance, there is no better time then the present. Just let G-d know that you believe that He is in control and the rest will fall into place, one step at a time. (Click for more information on Tisha B'Av and Laws of Shabbat.)


It is only a matter of time until we will have no one to rely on but our Father in Heaven. Don't wait until it is too late to call out His Name!