The Depth of Tragedy

                                                                                                                                                           בס"ד

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This is a very difficult post to write because there are so many raw emotions and opposing views on the subject that I know it may not be a very popular piece. Yet, I feel that if we look at the big picture, it will help us through what at first glance appears to be a nightmare scenario, one which makes us wonder, "What is going on?"

We have just completed the 'Three Weeks' which, in the Jewish calendar, has been known to be a time fraught with many calamities for the Jewish People. On a national level it is a time of the destruction of the first and second Temples, the foundation of Jewish spiritual life. So many horrible things happened to our people during this period that we have been instructed to be very careful throughout these days. The last nine days leading up to Tisha B'Av, the 9th of the Jewish month of Av, we treat as a time of mourning,  holding by many of the traditions attached to that sad event. So real is the danger, that we are forbidden from swimming as well.

This year, while thank G-d, there was no major catastrophe affecting the Land of Israel, several terrible events permeated our beings. One is the ever-increasing contempt and misplaced criticism between our brothers. There is so much infighting involving different sectors of society that it is hurtful to watch. We are supposed to be as one and yet we treat each other like our own worst enemy. I heard a very true statement that is quite ironic - our enemies don't differentiate between us. They are anxious and willing to annihilate all of our people; national religious, haredi, reform, secular and chassidic Jews. To them, we are one unit. And that is what we are meant to be.  The commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18) obviously lost its meaning even to some who claim to have a fear of Heaven. Sadly, this internal strife reached a pinnacle over the past three weeks. At a time when we should strive for peace and guarding our tongues from loshon hara (evil talk and tale-bearing) instead we bring shame upon ourselves.

Then something less public and more dreadful brought us all into different corners of the ring. As if bickering over our different views would somehow bring back the three precious souls who lost their lives through parental misjudgments. Yes, three young babies in the course of two weeks left this world through pain and suffering, being left alone in the back seat of their parent's hot car. One can say the parents were negligent and failed in their responsibilities, but it is really irrelevant because the torment they will endure the rest of their lives will more than make up for any lack of civil punishment. It's difficult to imagine how one can go on after such a catastrophe. In Israel, despite the squabbling, we are as one family in agony and therefore we are all grieving. 

If we view these instances through spiritual eyes, we may still not be able to comprehend it, but we can come to an acceptance on a different level.

As much as it hurts, Hashem (G-d) decided that those infants were meant to leave this world. Each detail was predetermined so that even the amount of suffering they experienced was somehow beneficial to their neshamas (souls). We will never know or understand the reasons, but this was decreed in Shomayim (Heaven). Even the poor parents, regardless of the turn of events which led to the disaster, are destined to suffer for the remainder of their existence on earth. This too, though it is humanly impossible to fathom why, is somehow the way it was intended to be and for their ultimate good. When someone passes away, we say "Baruch Dayan HaEmet" which means, Blessed is the True Judge". We accept G-d's decision, as painful as it is. When we pass these tests in our material lives knowing that everything  He does is for the best, that is basis of emuna. Acknowledging this can, with Hashem’s help, give the families the strength to go on.

My friend, Jessie, told a related story which may help clarify this concept. There was a great Tzaddik (righteous man) who was niftar (passed away) and when he went to the next world, he was judged as righteous. Just as he was about to enter Gan Eden, an accusing angel told the Heavenly Courts that he had nursed from a non-Jewish mother for two months because his own mother was ill. Therefore, he was sent back to earth and was born to a Jewish mother who nursed him for two months. Immediately, a bat kol (Divine 'voice' proclaiming G-d's Will) came from Shomayim (Heaven) and welcomed the Tzaddik to his rightful place in Gan Eden. But to the new parents of the two month old baby, they were faced with an aching loss. We have no clue. Hashem runs the world in every aspect down to the next meal of the smallest ant on a blade of grass and everything He does is for the good.

By all estimations, we are living the birth pangs of Moshiach. We are told it will be a rough ride but we must hang on with all our spiritual might. It is no coincidence that recently we have lost many holy Tzaddikim.... Torah Giants, Scholars, sinless babies plus other upright men and women who have died simply for being Jews. These excruciating sacrifices are the price we pay to bring us closer to our final Redemption. May it be G-d's will that there will soon be an end to all this heartbreak and struggle, bringing us together in song and joy to the newly rebuild Beit Hamikdash!

Beyond Logic

Photo Credit:  Breslev Israel

This post is in memory of my Cherished Mother, Shayndle Toba bas Yoseph Aron v’Leah on her 22nd Yartzeit ~ 4th of Tammuz 5772 – 2012.  May she have a לעילוי נשמה, (elevation of the soul). 

On Shabbat eve, G-d imparts an additional soul to the person and at Shabbat's end, He takes it away-- Talmud, Beitza 16a

I know that I am not the first person in the world to lose a mother. It is one of the most sorrowful yet inevitable realities of life, but not everyone goes through a whole personal metamorphosis in the process.

The 4^thof Tammuz (this year June 24^th) is my mother's 22nd Yartzeit, the anniversary of her death. It is hard to believe that 22 years have passed, yet it seems like much more than 22 years since I last spoke with my mother. It actually has been more than 23 and a half years since we had any sort of normal conversation. Neither ripe old age nor some disabling disease caused her death. It was the tragic result of a horrible road accident.

Driving with my mother on an intercity freeway, my father fell asleep at the wheel and as a result the car flipped over several times before landing in a rocky ditch at the side of the road. The fact that both of my parents weren't killed instantly was in itself a miracle. The car was a total write-off. A valuable lesson to be learned from this would appear to be; never drive while very tired. But that isn't why I chose to write this in my mother's memory. There is a much more urgent message I feel compelled to pass along: In times of greatest despair, have faith (emuna) in G-d and believe in miracles. And most importantly, never underestimate the power of prayer! These may not be new or unique concepts for those of you who are frum (religious) from birth. They are fundamental principles which should be ingrained into the core of one's intellect from day one. But for those of us who are chozer b'tshuva (penitent), who made the conscious decision to redirect our lives, we often require a boost to reinforce this major leap of faith.

The whole incident occurred as my husband and I were just beginning our journey down the road of religious observance. It had been less than a year since we began to keep Shabbat and Kashrut. My first test in this ordeal fell on me like a load of bricks just a half hour before the onset of Shabbat. As if it wasn't shock enough to receive a phone call with the unthinkable news of the crash, I was faced with the most difficult decision of my life. Yet, there was really no choice to make. Despite the doctors' pleas for us to hurry to the hospital and be at my mother's side for what they claimed would be her last hours in this world, we could not desecrate the laws of Shabbat by driving. There was no case of pikuach nefesh here. There was nothing I could physically do to help save her life. The doctors were doing all they could for her severe head trauma and other multiple injuries. So I chose the only thing that was available to me and the one thing in which I had placed all my hope....I prayed to HaShem to save my mother. (My father sustained multiple fractures and external injuries, but nothing life-threatening, thank G-d)

The fact that my mother survived over Shabbat was the first sampling of the numerous miracles that encompassed me over the course of the next year and a half. The initial diagnosis of her impending death was followed by an unequivocal prognosis that if she did survive at all, she would be a 'vegetable'. Ultimately, she proved the doctors totally wrong and far surpassed the expectations of all involved. These medical practitioners were forced to admit that they had been mistaken, calling her progress nothing other than miraculous. With limited space in this article, I will refrain from all the grueling and cumbersome details of all that transpired until her final departure from this world, when she finally succumbed to a heart attack. Suffice to say, all that occurred was beyond the realm of earthly reason and logic. Our fervent prayers were answered with chillingly unexpected results beyond any of my wildest expectations. It was a humbling experience which brought into my being a conviction so unwavering that there was no longer any doubt in my mind of the existence of G-d. In addition to that profound understanding was the underlying essence of something much more cliché; learn to value all of HaShem’s blessings and never take them for granted since one never knows when they will be gone. As the old saying goes, appreciate each day as if it were your last.

On this day, I look back with love and gratitude for the gifts that I was blessed to have received. When my mother passed away I was entering my eighth month of pregnancy. The unborn child I was carrying gave me unparalleled strength. Instead of being left with a huge void in my life, I looked forward to bearing a new life. The sharp pains of mourning were replaced with the sharp pains of labor. He came into the world quickly on Shabbat, twelve days before Rosh Hashana.

My family when I was a baby

Within two years of my mother's death our decision to make aliya to Israel became a reality.  Six months following our arrival we were blessed with a baby girl, our fifth child, whom we lovingly named after my mother a’h. One desire my mother had was to visit Eretz Yisrael, the Land of Israel. That longing never materialized but I feel that now she is somehow fulfilling her dream through us. All the knowledge of emuna and trust in G-d that I acquired through her suffering, I brought with me to secure our new life in the Holy Land. 

Only with the comprehension that there is a Greater Power than man, the Holy One, Blessed be He, Creator of the Universe, can one make any sense of what is going on in the world today. It is not for us to question why things happen as they do, but to grab onto them and discover ways to improve ourselves. It is incumbent upon each and every one of us to do more to elevate our actions, to become better people and grow closer to G-d. We will thereby not only bring peace into our own lives, but to the world itself via 'spiritual osmosis'.

The Torah reading for the week of the 4th of Tammuz 22 years ago was Chukat. This Parasha tells the story of the time when the Jewish people were crossing the desert on their way to Israel and found themselves in desperate in need of water. G-d spoke to Moses and told him 'speak ye unto the rock before their eyes, that it will give forth its water' (Bamidbar 20:8) With the entire congregation assembled before Moses and his brother, Aaron, it was the prime opportunity to sanctify G-d's Name and give witness to this undeniable miracle. But, instead of trying to produce water from the rock by speaking to it as he had been commanded, Moses struck it twice with his rod. One interpretation of this episode explains that his show of anger appeared to the people as if he did not have faith in G-d. For this he was punished and not allowed to enter the Land of Israel. How relevant this lesson is today. We must trust in HaShem and abide by His Laws, in order to deserve the right to keep our Land and the privilege to dwell there.

I share this with you in memory of my beloved mother. As time fades the vision in my mind's eye of this once-vibrant and beautiful woman, her strength and courage is indelibly etched in my memory. As I groped through the fog of anguish to find meaning in adversity, her pain and suffering was the catalyst through which I confirmed the true meaning of life. This testimonial is but a taste of the full depth of that revelation. It is my hope that I have succeeded in imparting at least some of that enlightenment as an inspiration to others. 

This article was first published on Breslev Israel on my mother's 21st Yarzeit: